Exercise: What Not to Do

I started exercising again today.

I’m bragging right now, because exercise,ย and also because I planned on recommitting to working out after the kids went back to school, and they don’t go back until Wednesday.

I’m two days ahead of schedule!

Easing back into a workout routine can be tough. I usually hit it hard the first day, which means I can barely move on day two, am still sore on day three, and by day four, when I’ve regained control of my limbs, I’ve lost interest.

To avoid that trap, I told myself to take it easy today. Here’s how it went.

One mom's hilarious attempt at exercising. From @FunnyIsFamily.

  1. Put on my exercise clothes and sneakers.
  2. Suck in my gut and look in the mirror. Think, It looks okay if I keep my belly tucked in.
  3. Forget about sucking in as soon as I walk away from the mirror.
  4. Load up the kids (for only two more days!) and run my husband to work. Did you know that some families only have one car?
  5. Gas up the car and head to the grocery store for the red bell pepper I need for Crock Pot Thursday.
  6. Buy 18 other things and hope the kids don’t eat all of the recently purchased food for school lunches in the next 72 hours.
  7. Go to the library, both for books and to show off my new yoga pants.
  8. Rush home, crossing my fingers that the refrigerated groceries are still good, and wishing I could remember to put the insulated bag back in the car for situations like this. “I’ll use this all the time!” I told my husband when I saw it at Costco. “It’ll be great for quick trips to the library after hitting up Stop and Shop!” In six months, I’ve used it once to keep food cool, and that was on a camping trip.
  9. Carry in the groceries, mostly by myself because my kids are not gifted when it comes to hauling foodstuffs from the car to the house. Juggle the load while quickly unlocking the front door, because there is a wasp nest behind the window shutter closest to the door. It’s been there for days. Please be careful if you come to my house.
  10. Throw together the slow cooker recipe, and encourage the kids to have a bowl of cereal so I have room in the fridge for the new gallon of milk I just bought.
  11. Check my email.
  12. Check Facebook.
  13. Consider changing the entire look of my blog.
  14. Grab the remote, and find something to watch while I exercise that is appropriate for the kids. An old episode of Ellen, it is.
  15. Do 10 pushups. Okay, fine. Eight.
  16. Do 50 jumping jacks.
  17. Drop to the floor for some crunches. Less than a minute in, see how dirty the floor is under the living room furniture. Actively ignore the filth. I know I’m looking for an excuse to stop working out.
  18. Do some more crunches.
  19. Do 10 burpees. Okay, fine. Six. Those sons a bitches are hard!
  20. Take a break to jot down notes for this post. Call it a day.

I’m going to be back in my skinny clothes before you know it!

One mom's hilarious attempt at exercise. From @FunnyIsFamily.

It should come as no surprise that I’ve always been sporty.

[Tweet “Starting an exercise routine? Here’s what not to do.”]


11 thoughts on “Exercise: What Not to Do

  1. Oh Amy how I have missed reading you! ๐Ÿ˜€ This made me laugh so hard, because it’s so much like me. But you know that you and I are long lost family somehow anyway. ๐Ÿ˜€

  2. STOP IT! Are those ankle weights?! And I see your wasp nest and raise you two children who are always nudging into my butt as I unlock the door, yelling, ‘THE PEE IS COMING!’

    Good luck with your new routine ๐Ÿ˜‰

    “Those sons a bitches are hard.” YES.

    1. “The pee is coming!” is usually what I’m saying.

      The ankle weights are key, but so is the jaunty neckerchief.

  3. Whyyyy are kids so inept when it comes to carrying things?

    I’m super impressed with your unwillingness to be deterred by the under-furniture dust. That gets me every time I go to do a push up. But for some reason it doesn’t bother me in the least when I’m laying on the floor watching television. Weird.

    1. Everything is sooo heavy, and also, how can they carry something with this pesky hang nail?

      My terrible housekeeping knows no bounds.

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