Maybe She’s Born With It

For my birthday this year, my mom gave me a card with this sassy girl on the front.

maybe she's born with it

Which I loved, because of this:

5th grade

Feast your eyes on this beauty. My getup and sensible bob suggest I’d skip recess to do your taxes, and my gigantic glasses betray my awful eyesight, particularly for a fourth grader. The following year I got those bad-ass glasses that have the blue tint on the top of the frame and the peach on the bottom. It was supposed to look like makeup, and it totally worked not at all.

I’m pretty sure this picture is what made my husband decide to marry me. It would’ve been a shame to not pass those genes on, amirite? Even my little brother, with a shiny stream of snot running from his nose to his mouth, both in the smiley shot and the serious floating head pose, had cuter pictures than I did this particular year.

This picture will forever explain why no matter how jacked my teeth have looked in the past and will doubtlessly look in the future, I’ll always show my grill when I grin. Go home, fourth grade me. You’re drunk.

30 thoughts on “Maybe She’s Born With It

    1. I love awkward family photos! I seriously can’t get enough of the bad school pictures. I’d LOVE to see yours!!!

  1. That is honestly probably one of my favorite posts of yours EVER!! I am crying with laughter! As someone who spent the better part of her childhood being mistaken for Henry Thomas from E.T. I am feeling your pain!-Ashley

  2. Seriously? How is it possible that this is almost my SAME FOURTH GRADE PICTURE? I’m on a mission to find mine now. I had almost the same sweater/collar combo. Almost the same glasses. The one major difference was that you seemed to wash your hair? I’m basing this on the bit of shine in the picture. My hair is such a snarled rat’s nest that it could NOT HAVE BEEN WASHED. And shine? Forget about it.

    1. Thank you for noticing! Yes, my hair was fairly clean, and was the last year of shiny hair pictures, because the following year I got my first perm. I’m waiting for your matching photo…impatiently!

  3. Not to brag, but I was still relatively cute in 4th grade. It was 6th-8th that garnered pictures of my worthy of blackmail of the worst kind. That fake “laser” background, a horrible perm, the days of modeling my wardrobe after “Blossom.” I make your 4th grade pic look like a Glamor Shot. OK. Not a Glamor Shot, but we totally could have been BFFs šŸ˜‰

    1. 4th grade was the beginning of several years of awkward photos for me. I miss the laser background shots, and I LOVED Blossom. I think we were BFFs, unfairly placed in the wrong parts of the country.

  4. LOL! Gotta love those elementary school photos when we’ve passed out of the too-cute baby/preK stage and are idling in that awkward not-quite-a-teen stage. I have a slew of my own hidden deep in a dark corner of my office closet. You’re a braver gal than I for giving yours the light of day … and the Internet. Meanwhile, that’s all ancient history … ’cause, baby, you’re gorgeous now!

    1. That’s the best part about being so homely as a kid. Everyone else is sad they’re losing their looks, and I’m content over here looking not terrible.

  5. I love your description of yourself via your picture, I would totally have hired you to do my taxes!! Fourth grade me would have really liked fourth grade you! Thankfully I’m a little two old for the floating head feature so there is only one of me in mine!! Lol! Great post!

  6. Ohmygod I had those same glasses. And I would have stayed in for recess with you, but probably to play Oregon Trail on an Apple computer that weighed as much as a Cadillac. I love that you’re rocking a couple of shades of lilac here. Hot.

  7. Holy shitballs was this hilarious! And it’s not because of the picture (well, I mean, a little), but your one-liners absolutely killed me!

    My getup and sensible bob suggest Iā€™d skip recess to do your taxes…

    Go home, fourth grade me. You’re drunk.

    You’ve taken me to my happy place today. Bless you woman, and those fancy, fancy glasses.

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