I have two sisters-in-law and a couple of friends who are pregnant right now. This isn’t the first rodeo for any of them, but maybe some of you reading this are expecting your first child. Maybe you found me by searching “preparing for baby” and found this post. If you actually read that post, you’d know I don’t have much to offer in the way of good advice, but perhaps you think my ineptness will make you feel better about yourself. This is a good plan. You should subscribe to my blog, and your inbox will be better balanced between real baby advice and my brand of bullshit.

You can learn things here, though. I have some friends who actually have valuable information for rookie moms. I’m going to let them give you the tough news.

Anna from My Life and Kids gives the cold, hard facts about what having kids does to your body. Don’t worry, new mommy! It takes three kids to do this kind of damage. Usually. Read this post. Anna is hilarious and she likes to laugh at herself. You will, too!

Nicole from Ninja Mom shares how to piss off a baby. Avoid these ten things, and you’ll actually have the baby you expect to have. You know, the one that doesn’t cry. I love this post, because I currently have no babies. Hahaha!

At some point after that baby is born, you’ll consider going on vacation. You should go, but you’ll need to modify your expectations. Johi from Confessions of a Corn Fed Girl traveled with her two kids, her two dogs, and her grandmother. Oh, yeah. Her husband was there, too. She’ll tell you why you need to eat your Wheaties before “vacationing” with children. And dogs. Oh, man. Those dogs cracked me up.

Don’t just be thinking about babies. Those babies grow up, dontcha know? Pretty soon your daughter will be asking what those tampons are for, and you’ll need to try not to terrify her. Robyn from Hollow Tree Ventures has some laugh out loud funny suggestions for how that conversation should NOT sound.

Ah, spring break. Awesome memories, no? Well, get excited because you get to experience it again! This outstanding post by JD from Honest Mom compares college spring break and spring break with kids. Lots of similarities, you guys!

Oh, my. I’m so glad I don’t have to be the one to tell you about this bit of bad news. Do you like going to restaurants? Go out as much as you can now. Bethany from Bad Parenting Moments will take it from here. This made me laugh till I cried, and I’ll never look at popcorn the same.

Oh, you’re still reading? Well then, you deserve some good news. It’s not always like this. Eventually, your kids grow up, and they can wipe their own asses and get their own snacks. Michelle from You’re my favorite today offers some very helpful and humorous advice about how to handle things between now and then. Take her advice. She’s raised great kids.

The one thing I can tell you about having kids is that if you don’t go into it with a sense of humor, you will be missing out on some of the best things about being a parent. It’s a wild ride. Enjoy it, have a few laughs, and find yourself some friends who like to laugh, too.