I Just Want to Pee Alone

The book is available! And the reviews are great!

Have I mentioned that I’m in a book? Only a hundred times? Well, here it is!

I Just Want to Pee Alone is a collection of hilarious essays from 37 of the most kick ass mom bloggers on the web, including: People I Want to Punch in the Throat, Insane in the Mom-Brain, The Divine Secrets of a Domestic Diva, Baby Sideburns, Rants From Mommyland, and ME!

Motherhood is the toughest – and funniest – job you’ll ever love. Raising kids is hard work. The pay sucks, your boss is a tyrant, and the working conditions are pitiful – you can’t even take a bathroom break without being interrupted with another outrageous demand. Hasn’t every mother said it before? “I just want to pee alone!”

Read hysterical essays like: 
Embarrassment, Thy Name is Motherhood
A Pinterest-Perfect Mom, I am Not
And Then There was that Time a Priest Called Me a Terrible Mother
So She Thought She Could Cut Off My Stroller

Here’s a sample:

I have been excited to share my literary debut for weeks, and when I got the go ahead on Friday, I wanted to mark the occasion. I imagined some kind of celebration after this book was released. Maybe a champagne toast? Some confetti dropping from the sky? Flowers? Not over here. Here’s what happened at my house.

While I was typing up a Facebook status update to share the book’s release, I smelled something. That something was definitely shit. My first thought was I stepped in some or Graham stepped in some coming home from his playdate up the street. No, and no. I looked at the dog. Our almost eight year old black lab has taken up rolling in poop in his old age. Since we had several inches of snow yesterday, I’m not sure where he found a pile to swim in, but he did. I hit send on that message, and marched my shitty dog into the bathroom for a bath. As I scrubbed his fur, I had to laugh. I was still laughing when after his bath, my four legged baby shook off, covering every surface of our tiny bathroom with water and dog hair. Nothing escaped his spray. Not even me. I’m not sure, but I can’t imagine that’s how Steven King celebrates a book release. Maybe Erma Bombeck, though. She was a mom, after all.

Even though my dog doesn’t seem to care, I am very proud of this book. I hope everyone reads it and loves it. Actually, that’s not totally true. I don’t want everyone to read it. This book contains adult topics, and is seasoned liberally with all of the bad words. I’m not sure my mother is going to find it as hilarious as I do. I won’t be giving a copy to my grandparents for Christmas. But if you like my blog, you’ll like my book.

You guys, this book is funny. It’s raw, and real, and hilarious. Buy it if you like to laugh. Tell your bestie, tell a coworker, tell a neighbor. Don’t loan them your copy, though. First, think about where they might be reading that book. (Hint: What’s the cover photo?) Also, how do you know they’ll return it? When you want it back, it will be all awkward, and you won’t know what to say. Save yourself some trouble, and insist they buy their own copy.

Speaking of buying copies, every time you order my book from Amazon through my blog, I get a few pennies. While you’re over there, get yourself a pair of expensive new boots, or a camera. I get a few cents for every purchase made, and I got kids to feed. Believe it or not, blogging is not that lucrative.

I hope you buy my book, and I hope you love it. If you like it (or hate it), I would really appreciate it if you left a review where you bought it (Amazon or Barnes and Noble). Reviews are everything! Like this one:

So? What are you waiting for?

I am so excited for this book, and I am so grateful to all of you for your support. Thank you for reading, for commenting, and for sharing my words with others. This wouldn’t be possible without you.


Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

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