The Funny One

My kids think my husband is hi-larious, and I’m not gonna lie; this really pisses me off. Everyone knows I’m funnier than he is, just like everyone knows he’s smarter than I am. Not the kids. They think he’s smarter and funnier, and that is such bullshit.

The Doctor loves to tease our three and five year old, but I think the kids love it more. I know it’s helping develop their appreciation for dry humor and sarcasm, traits I truly appreciate. I really love a person with a jovial and lively personality, but my deepest appreciation is for those with quick wit and understated hilarity. Some people want their kids to grow up to be lawyers or athletes; my dreams for my kids involves humor, likability, and a strong sense of self. I almost never think about what their professions might be, only that they are kind, healthy, and happy. And funny.

A common theme has The Doctor purposely misunderstanding something the kids say, like this:

The Doctor: Hey Graham, who did you sit by at lunch today?
Graham: Tommy.
The Doctor: Who sat on your other side?
Graham: I can’t remember.
The Doctor: There’s an I Can’t Remember in your class?
Graham: No! That’s not a person! You asked who sat next to me, and I can’t remember.
The Doctor: That’s a pretty funny name.
Graham: It’s not a name!
The Doctor: Oh, like a nickname?
Graham: laughing There isn’t anyone in my class named I Can’t Remember!
The Doctor: Why were you sitting next to someone that isn’t in your class?

This goes on for several minutes more, with our kindergartner pretending to be frustrated and annoyed, and my husband pretending to be confused. By the end, the story is that I Can’t Remember’s parents forgot what they were going to name him, and when the hospital asked what the baby was to be called, they said “I can’t remember” and it was recorded as the name.

Or this one from the dinner table last week:

Lily: Everyone’s in their own chair.
The Doctor: pointing to his recliner That’s my chair.
Lily: No! Their eating chairs!
The Doctor: We don’t eat our chairs.
Lily: laughing DA-ddy! The chairs we sit in when we eat!
Graham: smirking and joining in the game Maybe she means the chairs are going to eat us.
Lily: exasperated Noooo!
The Doctor: Oh, good. I thought you wanted me to eat my chair. I don’t want to eat my chair. Chairs aren’t for eating.

According to Graham and Lily, this bit is comedy gold. They are at the dinner table, folded over in convulsions, totally losing their shit.

My kids love that stuff. I think it’s somewhat amusing, too, since anytime we mess with the kids it’s at least entertaining, but I can already tell I’m going to be left out of some family jokes. That’s okay. They can have their fart jokes and wrestling matches, and I won’t feel bad. I don’t think I’ve ever even cracked a smile the times he’s ripped one and blamed it on me. The kids adore that joke. I’m just happy for my husband. He finally has someone other than the dog to appreciate his gift of gas.

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