The List

The year was 1996. My two college besties and I were hooked on Friends. Ross and Rachel were finally together, and we loved watching the gang at Central Perk, while stuffing our faces with Doritos and cookie dough. If we were able to scrounge enough change, we would buy a pack of cigarettes, and have an upperclassman buy us some Pyramid Apricot Ale to wash down our chip crumbs. 
Remember the episode where the friends compile lists of five celebrities they are allowed to sleep with if the opportunity presents itself? My friends and I compiled lists, too. I’ve always found celebrity crushes fascinating, and since I had so much fun mocking my friends’ choices in boyfriends, I knew comparing lists would be a blast. As I was no better in choosing boys to date, I can only assume they were equally excited.

On Friends, Ross takes the list very seriously. We did, too. After much consideration, we debuted our list within our tight circle of trust. After a very brief moment of “Oh yeah, he’s hot,” we quickly got into, “WTF is wrong with you? Seriously? Gross.” I was shocked to discover most of the contempt was directed at my list. Well, maybe I should just rip the band-aid off and share.

Jerry Seinfeld
David Spade
David Schwimmer
Adam Sandler
David Letterman

Obviously, I’ve got a thing for funny guys. And apparently, Jewish guys. And celebrities named David. I seriously had no idea. Both of my friends seemed to fixate on David Letterman. Whatever. Screw those guys. I’ll admit, he has aged himself off of my list now, but sixteen years ago, he still had it. And even if he didn’t, I don’t know if it would have mattered. Did you notice Adam Sandler on there? Looks have always been lower on my list of important traits. That is, until I met The Doctor. And I’m not just saying that because he’ll read this. I liked the looks of his sweet ass way before I knew that he could make me laugh.

My friend Buddy’s list went something like this:
Brenden Fraser
David Schwimmer (I told you we were really into Friends)
Matthew Ashford (we were also really into Days of Our Lives)
Tommy Lee (the world had recently been shown his “other talents”)
Dwayne (The Rock) Johnson

Her list was intriguing to me. How could I totally agree with some (Schwimmer and Tommy Lee) and be totally disgusted by the rest? How is that possible?

My other friend, Claire the Dane, claims to not remember who was on her list, and since she’s a pretty blond girl, that’s probably true.

We called them our Laminated Lists, but in reality, I don’t think we ever even wrote them down. If Buddy ever went to a Motley Crue concert during that time, or if I had tickets to see Late Show, you bet your ass we would have made those lists official. Just in case.

Our lists have evolved. We dust them off every eight years or so, and someone always gets cut. These days, it seems like everyone is so young and pretty, and it’s hard to pick five. But, those are the rules, so here goes:
Jon Stewart
Ben Affleck
Kyle Chandler
Ryan Gosling
Neil Patrick Harris (Whatever. My chances with him are as good as with any of the rest.)

For comparison purposes, Buddy’s list looks like this:
Prince Harry (Another naked celebrity.)
Ryan Gosling
Matthew Grey Gubler (Unlike his character, Dr. Spencer Reid from Criminal Minds, Buddy’s version would have short hair.)
Jason Segal (She loves him so much, she named her son after one his characters.)
Johnny Depp
*Any of these five could be bumped if Christian Grey becomes a real person.

Claire the Dane’s current list stacks up like this:
Henry Cavill
Jon Stewart (Jewish. Nice.)
Barack Obama (Mmm…POTUS)
Robert Pattinson (He may be handsome, but I’m team “Twilight Sucks” and can’t see past that.)
Bradley Cooper

I love that my friends and I have a little overlap. We are very different women. We look at life from unique perspectives, but we can agree on some things. We love each other like crazy, and our similarities are interwoven in a way to perfectly connect our lives. If the tapestry of our friendship is best displayed by the famous people we want to bang, then so be it.

6 thoughts on “The List

  1. Ha ha, Amy. My list in that same time period went like this:Adam SandlerWill SmithDavid LettermanThe Marlboro ManDave MatthewsI have to say Adam Sandler & Will Smith still make the cut. I'll have to think of my other three and get back to you.

  2. These are my favorite kinds of lists!In 1996, I'm pretty sure this is what my list would have looked like:Jon Bon JoviChris O'DonnellClay Walker (country singer) Bryan White (country singer)A-rodToday's list would be:Jon Bon Jovi (I'm pretty sure he'll always be on my list)Chris O'Donnell (hello NCIS LA!)Keith UrbanGeorge Clooney Richard Engel (Not everyone has foreign news correspondents on their lists?)Jon Stewart is my honorable mention. I like your friend's choice of Henry Cavill. Depending on how much I like Superman, Chris O'Donnell could be bumped from my list. I also think he should be Christian Grey.

  3. Okay, finally three are–Josh DuhamelRyan Gosling (I tried not to steal him from you but after much debating he had to stay)Taylor Lautner (I know it's wrong but yeah…)

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