Dear Madam with the Pursed Lips,
Thank you for your concern regarding my three year old and her coat yesterday. Yes indeed, I do know that it’s October. I have a working knowledge of time, as well as basic understanding of our calendar system. While it may be only a few short weeks shy of the anniversary of last year’s first snow, yesterday it was 60 degrees. In fact, if you’d noticed her red cheeks and heavy breathing, you’d see she had been running, jumping, and climbing long enough to elevate her body temperature; and I was confident that her 3/4 sleeves, tights, skirt, and fuzzy boots would keep her sufficiently protected from the elements (sunshine and breeze). Why yes, I DO let her tell me if she’s hot and wants to take off her jacket. She has a brain, and she uses it on occasion.
I thought it was sweet of you to compliment that other mom on her adorable toddler. “What’s her name?” you asked. “Matteo,” was the response. It was hasty and rude of you to strongly advise an immediate haircut for that mom’s son, but it gave me a perfect opportunity to jump in and say that I loved Matteo’s over the ear locks, and offer my support for doing what she wanted (which we all knew was ignoring your cranky, busybody advice). You can go ahead and parent your kids how you like, but back off the rest of us. Oh, I’m sorry, are those your kids or grandkids? I honestly couldn’t tell. You seem sort of ageless, and not in the good way.
I was pretty thankful you brought a book to stick your upturned nose into when you were done sticking it in everyone else’s business. More than that, I was thankful I brought my journal to start this letter. I’m sure I would have remembered the details of this experience long enough to type it up, but I truly enjoyed printing this title largely and boldly, and letting the page fall open, right in your line of sight.
I should take a moment to thank you. You have inspired me. Whenever I’m not sure how to handle a particular parenting situation, I’ll imagine what you would do. And do the opposite.
P.S. Your skinny ass took up that whole bench. Next time, shove over.