It’s time! Time for Christmas trees, holiday music, and wish lists. Time for spiked hot chocolate, cheap televisions, and expensive holiday travel. Most importantly, though, it’s time for Elf! I love the Will Ferrell movie featuring Buddy the Elf, and was so excited to share the magic with my six-year-old son, Graham and my four-year-old daughter, Lily. Here’s how it went.
Lily: Tell me when the funny part is gonna come.
Graham: Elf! That says Elf!
Lily: That was funny.
Lily: Aww…a baby.
Lily and Graham: SANTA!
Lily: Where’s that baby’s mom?
Me: Quick explanation of orphanages.
Lily: Oh! Tears.
Lily: Where is that baby going? The baby’s gone. Tears. Again.
Graham: That baby is in that bag!
Lily: When is the scary part gonna come? Is there a scary part?
Graham: What’s a cotton-headed ninny muggins?
Graham: Buddy fell on that elf.
Lily: The elf did this. Pats herself on the back. That was nice. I hope Buddy’s okay.
Me: He’s fine. He just fainted.
Graham: What’s “fainted?”
Graham: New York City?! We’ve been there! Why didn’t you tell me it was a magical place?
Lily: His dad’s on the naughty list?!
Lily: This show is too grown-upy. Can we watch My Little Pony?
Lily: Elf’s sad.
Graham: His name is Buddy.
Lily: Why is his name Mr. Normal?
Me: It’s Mr. Narwhal.
Lily: He just wanted a hug.
Graham: This movie isn’t silly enough.
Graham: What’s he eating?
Me: Old gum that naughty people stuck on that rail instead of throwing away.
Graham: He’s pushing all the buttons on that elevator! You aren’t supposed to do that.
Graham: What did he put in his mouth?
Graham: What’s perfume?
Graham and Lily: Laughing super hard at the escalator scene.
Lily: He’s doing that funny.
Graham: Imitates Buddy by attempting to do the splits.
Graham: Ha! He said, “Hey did you see these toilets? They’re ginormous!”
Lily: He’s making a mess. Oh, he’s making those snowflake things out of paper!
Graham: Whoa! He made that whole thing out of Legos?
Graham: That girl’s in the shower. Smiling.
Graham: Laughing. He ran into the wall.
Graham: That’s not the real Santa. See! Buddy knows, too.
Lily: What’s happening?
Me: The fake Santa and Buddy are fighting.
Lily: That’s not nice.
Graham: Laughing. A lot. Look at the present Buddy’s dad got! That’s funny. Why did Buddy’s dad get a girl boob thing for a present?
Graham: Is that jail? Why is he in jail? Why is that guy playing cards by himself? Why isn’t the fake Santa in jail, too?
Lily: What is he eating?
Me: Cotton balls.
Graham: I wonder why he likes cotton balls?
Lily: Elves just like to eat cotton balls.
Me: DO NOT try to eat cotton balls.
Graham: Can we watch something else?
Lily: Yeah! My Little Pony!
Graham: Why did he drink all of that? What is that?
Graham: I HAVE to try syrup on my spaghetti.
Graham and Lily: Laughing. Hard.
Graham: That was a really long burp.
Graham: Why is he eating spaghetti for breakfast? Why is he eating it like that?
Lily: He’s being dirty. Dirty and messy.
Graham: Why is that boy ignoring Buddy?
Lily: Oh no! What’s happening?
Graham: Those kids are throwing snowballs at Buddy and that boy.
Graham: Whoa. He throws snowballs really fast.
Graham: They shouldn’t be running in a store.
Lily: Uh oh. They’re jumping on the beds!
Graham: That kid said he’s Buddy brother. He’s not Buddy’s brother.
Me: Yes he is.
Lily: He pulled that Christmas tree down. Oops.
Graham: How does Buddy know all of those people’s names? What does “You just made my day” mean?
Lily: Why are they laughing?
Graham: They’re drunk. If grown-ups drink too much beer or wine, they get really funny.
Me: No they don’t. They get really annoying and think dumb stuff is funny.
Lily: I think it’s because they’re tickling each other.
Lily: He’s holding hands with that girl.
Graham: Mom! Look! It’s that statue we saw in New York City AND on that singing Christmas show! (Christmas in Rockefeller Center)
Lily: They’re ice skating. Ooh…now they’re kissing.
Graham: His dad is really mad.
Lily: Why is he mad? Oh. Buddy is sad.
Graham: A skateboard? Awesome! Do you think I’m Santa’s book?
Lily: Oh! There’s no Christmas spirit!
Lily: They have a baby!
Graham: Mommy? NOW can we watch something else?
Lily: My Little Pony!