Don’t Get a Brazilian Wax When You’re Eight Months Pregnant

Are you pregnant and considering a Brazilian wax before giving birth? Read this before booking that appointment!

When I was eight months pregnant with my first child, after worrying about everything from whether my son would have my nose and if my water would break in the grocery store, I turned my focus to fretting about what would happen in the delivery room. Would it be cold? Would the anesthesiologist screw up my epidural and kill me? Would I be able to get an epidural? Would I crap on the table? Would I tell my husband I hate him? Would I hate him?

I knew I wouldn’t be able to control many things about that experience, so I fixated on what I could control. I got a pedicure, I practiced my rhythmic breathing, and I scheduled a Brazilian wax. Childbirth might be a total shit storm, my toes and lady bits would look nice.

In hindsight, I realize maybe we had to borrow a car seat to bring my boy home from the hospital because I needed to concentrate less on my pubic hair and more on securing baby essentials.

I had never completely waxed my whisker biscuit, and I wasn’t sure if I should be getting a Brazilian wax when pregnant, but I was too embarrassed to ask my obstetrician if it was a good idea or not. Never mind that a few years later I would be sharing the entire tale on the internet, and there I was, too shy to ask my doctor. This is only one poor decision I make in this story.

I thought, I have a couple of professional bikini waxes under my belt, and really it’s the same thing, right? With that, I booked my appointment at the same time as a few friends who were, and still are, fans of heavily landscaped downstairs.

We arrived at the salon, and waited in a foyer filled with cozy chairs, cool art, and a table piled high with photo albums of the previous clients’ “after” pictures. Men and women. Front and back. To be honest, I hadn’t really thought about what style I wanted. My friends had, though, and my head spun with the number of options for freeing pubic areas from the confines of their natural pelts.

The business was set up as one big room, with walls that were about ten feet tall forming the smaller “rooms” and a curtain as the doors. This allowed some privacy, but there was still the feeling of openness. It also meant any screaming would be heard by all. I was nervous, but I figured people do this all the time. How bad could it be? Also, I wax my upper lip and eyebrows frequently. That meant I was pretty tough, right? In a month I was planning on pushing a baby out of that same area, so a little hair removal had to be manageable.

Finally, it was my turn. I made pleasantries with my waxologist, or esthetician as I learned they are actually called, and was led to my room (the one closest to the door and the waiting area) and given my instructions. She left the room while I disrobed, laid on the table, and draped my fur with the sheet. It was chilly, but I was sweating. Was it too late to back out? What the hell did I care if I wasn’t freshly waxed for the big day? I’m sure my doctor and the hospital staff had seen worse. To this day, I’m not sure I wouldn’t have put a stop to the whole thing if my ride wasn’t spread eagle in the next room getting hot wax applied to her butt.

The waxidermist came back in, and we got started. She slid a dollop of warm wax onto my bikini area, and it felt nice. When she firmly attached the strip to the wax, that was pleasant, too. That was the end of the nice stuff.

She expertly began her task, and my brain was screaming, but my face was still calm. Then she had me grab my knee and pull it to my chest. This was difficult, actually impossible, but I pulled my leg up as far as I could with my gigantic belly, and waited. As the hair was ripped from my body, I began to wonder if my nether regions were going to be able to handle the rigors of childbirth if they protested so violently at a waxing. I cried. I sweated profusely. I was shaking so much we had to take a break.

Also, I was pissed. Pissed at our society that tells women this garbage is necessary, and so prevalent that there are businesses dedicated almost solely to pubic hair removal, pissed at my friends for bringing me to this torture chamber, but mostly pissed at myself for being such a wimp. I was having a difficult time talking myself into continuing, but I couldn’t stop yet. I was lopsided! I bit my lip, dug deep for strength, and gave the wax wielder a “let’s do this” nod.

She waxed, I whimpered, and I was eventually allowed to lower my legs. They were numb. I wished the rest of me was, too. I suggested an epidural service be added to the establishment’s a la carte menu. The esthetician smiled, dipped her wax, and told me to get on all fours. I sighed the sad, sad sigh of the broken, and complied. I felt sorry for myself, I felt sorry for this woman who removed asshole hair for a living, and I was exhausted. One more time, I pulled my strength, and I clenched my jaw. She set to work, and while she was waxing, she said, “You know, during pregnancy you have more blood flowing to your genitals. This makes waxing much more painful.”

What? WHAT?! We’re more than halfway done and I’m just hearing that now? She continues, “I’m really impressed that you were brave enough to try this for the first time with that much more sensation down here.”

Two things went through my mind. First, I wasn’t as much of a pussy as I thought. Second, I could stop. And that’s just what I did. I wasn’t done, but I wasn’t lopsided. Good enough. A vast improvement over what was happening down there when I walked in, and being on all fours with a stranger eyeing my butthole while I was eight months pregnant was a great story. I considered the day a success. I planned to come back when I could pop some ibuprofen and have a few drinks, and when my body wasn’t preparing for the miracle of childbirth.

I never did.



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34 thoughts on “Don’t Get a Brazilian Wax When You’re Eight Months Pregnant

  1. Yeah see umm no , just no.. I have a home wax kit that I tried down there ONE TIME that was all I needed. I had bruises. NO thank you. I will shave that. Bless your soul for doing it 8 months pregnant..

  2. The 2nd (and very last) time I had a brazilian wax, I was sweating so bad from pain that I slipped off the freakin table. Never again. My husband likes it bare down there, but not even he is worth that shit.

  3. God – girl this sounds painful. I think my first pregnancy is when I decided to let my inner Neanderthal come out to play. And sadly, since then. . . yeah.

      1. Saw this post on Pinterest and was LOLIng I did the same thing! I was so concerned with giving birth and incessant bleeding and gross post-childbirth events so I got a Brazilian wax 1 week before I was due.. Most painful experience but shaving was near-impossible at this point ! I couldn’t see what I was doing! Never got a wax again….

  4. I saw an episode of Pregnant in Heels where the pregnancy consultant had her very pregnant client get her “Queen Victoria” waxed. I always wondered what kind of hell they put that poor mother-to-be through. Now I know. And I know not to try that myself if I ever had kids. Glad I didn’t have to figure that out the hard way. Thanks for the warning!!

  5. I am sorry… How about never get a Brazillan? The hair is there for a reason! A healthy vag needs hair because it keeps it dry. When there is no hair to absorb wetness, bacteria thrives. My nurse in college said this, and that it is very unhealthy thing to do to yourself. I do not think it is attractive to look like a prepubescent girl, we are women – not children. I refuse to pay someone to assault my genitalia. I am lucky my husband doesnt mind it. In fact, none of my boyfriends ever really requested a totally bare vag. Trimmed yes! Women…stop doing this to yourselves… from a medical standpoint it is not a good idea. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/03/29/bikini-waxing-dangers-risk-health_n_2976402.html

  6. OMG! I did this exact same thing. 8 months pregnant. SO dumb! I had actually had a Brazilian before and thought during this one “man, I have become a real pussy!” Not until I was home and commando on the couch with a bags of peas soothing my nether region did I google to learn what you did about the “extra blood flow down there”. Worst idea ever. Did I mention SO DUMB, lol.

  7. An Arden devotee gave me a gift certificate for an eyebrow wax for a birthday 10 years ago. I figured I would give it a try. The very next day I met the man of my dreams, and one of the things he has always admired has been the delicate hairline over each eye.

    But in real life: Holy CRAP! Whose incredibly stupid idea was this?! Ripping hair out of your flesh? That HURT! No thank you! Never again never again never again. The idea of doing it down there is ridiculous.

  8. and I thought I was all crazy trying to shave my bikini line the day before my induction. Using one hand to move my belly out of the say and the other to shave with an obstructed view wasn’t all that easy, but way less painful.

  9. My sister has tried to convince me that Brazilians are “not that bad”. Still can’t bring myself to try it and this has just about clinched it.
    Her esthetician has a blog called Hose Down Your Hoo-Ha…. that’s about as close to a Brazilian as I’m willing to get. OMG, I’ve never laughed so hard. 🙂

  10. I would rather tweeze every single hair down there than wax or shave. Razor burn is horrible and the idea that wax could rip off even a small piece of flesh is enough to make me never ever ever want to do that. Ever.

  11. Yes, don’t!!! What I have not seen posted anywhere when considering mine, was the fact that it can cause you to have hemorroids! Really not worth it! Dumbest decision I ever made…

  12. One of the funniest things I’ve ever read, thank you, I needed that! I was contemplating getting one and I’m 8 months right now. I will be waiting now. Thanks for the advice.

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