Family planning comes in many different forms. I’m not just talking about condoms vs pills vs IUD, or natural family planning vs birth control vs “pull-and-pray”. Some families decide how many kids they want, and take the necessary steps to fulfill that goal. Others are blessed with children they didn’t expect, while others hope to have babies and have difficulty conceiving without help. Some people adopt. Some moms have babies until their uterus craps out, and others are happy with the one. Some people choose not to have kids at all. There are so many different combinations of family, that I’m confident I’ve left some out and have already alienated a reader or two.
One of the favorite topics of debate is what is the ideal family? People say things like:
“Why would someone only have one kid?”
“What’s wrong with that Duggar lady and why does she keep having babies?”
“(Fill in the blank) kids? Wow. You must be really busy!”
“You breeders really think you’re something, don’t you? Quit bringing your spawn to restaurants and on airplanes.”
“Birth control is a sin.”
“Natural family planning is crazy.”
The one thing I know is that every family is different. There comes a time when you have to make a decision. Have kids or not. Plan for it or let nature do its thing. If you decide to have kids, how many? I don’t like the phrase “start a family.” A couple without children is as much a family as one with one kid or nine kids.
I always wanted two kids: a boy and a girl. I would have the girl first, and the boy second. Just like my younger brother and me. Oh, and 20 months apart. Perfect. Also, I would have them both before I was 30. Well some of those things happened, and some didn’t. Even though not everything went as planned, everything turned out just right. We are happy with our two, but is our family complete? Here are some contributing factors to help us decide.
- If we have another baby, my mom, mother-in-law, and sisters-in-law will all get off my back about having more kids. The same goes for my friends with more than two children. Of course they all think I shouldn’t stop reproducing just yet. On the other hand, one more baby won’t stop the family members. If I have three, they’ll insist on four. Besides, I kind of like the pressure. Their arguments are full of how great of a mom I am and how wonderful our kids are, and my friends’ pleas are really just them begging me to join their club. Popular much?
- If we’re done having kids, we can get rid of all of the baby stuff. I get as giddy about getting rid of my kids’ things as I do receiving kid stuff. Because of that feeling, most of our baby stuff is gone, but we still have toddler silverware and cups, potty seats, and baby toys. I’ll keep the booster seat and Pack n Play for my friends that come over who won’t stop having babies. You know who you are.
- If we have another baby, I don’t have to go back to work full-time. I have to admit, this is a very compelling argument. I see you, ladies with your youngest heading off to kindergarten and a swollen pregnant belly. I see you, and I nod in support.
- If we’re done having kids, I can go back to work full-time. A second income would be welcome, as my wardrobe and retirement account have been sad and forgotten the past few years. Also, I never love my kids more than when I’m at work.
- If I have another baby, I can wear maternity pants again. My belly loves elastic waistbands more than chocolate. Sweet, sweet, giving elastic. Also, after being pregnant or nursing for the better part of three years, my boobs look like fried eggs, and I would really like to have my milk bags back.
- If I’m done having kids, I can rest easy knowing my nights will be full of sleeping and not of tending to crying children. At least until high school, when they’ll be out late, and I’ll be awake crying over the stupid teenage things I’m sure they’ll be doing.
- If I have another baby, I’ll buy myself a few more years until all of my kids prefer their friends over me. Right now, they still think I’m cool. They like hanging out with me. Without a third baby, I’ll be obsolete by the next presidential administration.
- If I’m done having kids, I don’t need to worry about reining in the bounty of small pieces that litter our house. Legos need to be off the floor to protect my delicate feet, but they don’t need to be locked up to protect Little Number Three.
- If we want more kids we should get to it. My husband’s insurance is kick ass, and having a baby right now would cost us zero dollars. Also, I am already considered of “advanced maternal age” and my old eggs won’t be fresh for too much longer.
- If I have another baby, I’ll have to be pregnant again. Months of vomiting, aversions to something delicious, no booze, disgusting body disappointments, and at the end, my undercarriage violated in unspeakable ways to get that baby out.
I think I’m happy with the two I have. Are you done having kids? Why or why not?
You do make beautiful kids, and I had fun reading through your reasons. We have two, and my youngest is 16, so I don't want to even think about finding myself pregnant again…
Thanks, Shelly! I'll bet your kids would be as horrified as you if that happened!
I have a 4 year old and 21 month old twins. The twins were spontaneous (read: not planned, no meds, not in family). I read a study that stated after spontaneous twins, the odds of having another set goes up to 50%. 50%!! That number was enough to make the tubal appointment. 🙂 Good luck with your decision.
That would make me put the brakes on, too! 🙂
Great post! After having two preemies (both 10 weeks early) we called it quits and my husband bravely got snipped. But I always say that had #2 been full term we'd probably have 4 kids by now. Then I remember how much I like wine and think things turned out just right!
Yikes! Your babies were really excited to meet you! Two experiences like that would make me more cautious, too. Good man, your husband. Mine won't even entertain the conversation about the snipping.
You're done. Trust me. Don't mess with perfection. If you get a 3rd kid Jones, I'd be willing to lend out one of mine from time to time. And you can take your pic of ages and gender depending on what you're jonesing for. That's just gold, right there.I knew I was done when I held my newborn nephew and sent a shout-out up to the Big Guy that I didn't have to get up with him in the night. I held him, smelled his baby head and made stupid faces at him. Then I handed him back to his mother, stopped for some vino on the way home and enjoyed the silence of my house with slumbering children. No shame in it, the reproduction train had left Megan Station.
You are so right. I thought when L turned two I would need a baby fix, but NOPE. Snuggling a baby is awesome, but not as awesome as giving them back and getting some wine.
To procreate or not procreate. That is the question. We've been there. My husband would have another. I would, too, if I could skip pregnancy months 1,2,3,8&9, newborn weeks 3-8, and age 3.
Damn, girl. You really nailed the trouble spots!
3 is hard as hell. 'Nuf said. And seriously, what IS up with that Dugger woman?!
You and Meg left me in the dust with the three kid business. "Hard as hell" is your punishment for making me feel left out. I can't complain though, since both of your third babies are my Godchildren!
I can relate to the back and forth here…I said I was done because the physical issues I had after having my 2nd were pretty intense. My pelvis was out of alignment and I couldn't move my neck even after months of physical therapy. I got rid of all the baby stuff. We paid off my daughter with the hospital. I figured I had a boy and a girl-it's perfect, right? Now I'm having remorse because my daughter will be going to kindergarten this fall and I'm boo-hooing that my baby is growing up. We can't afford another one, but I wouldn't mind if we accidentally had one. That's just the crazy talking here…
Before you seriously consider that accident, make sure you can get all of your baby stuff back! 🙂
We are done… D.O.N.E. done. You make an excellent point about maternity pants, though. I quickly realized that my daily uniform of yoga pants functions in exactly the fame way, so–whew– I'm good.
Fantastic! Me, too!
This was a fun post to read Amy:) We are done, fosho! 2 boys ages 10 & 5, along with a 2 year old girl, whew! 3 kids is hard as hell. lol. This probably sounds awful, but if I would have had a girl on my second go round, I believe we would have been done as well! But, I really wanted a girl, and I got her, and I feel very very blessed. Also, with 2 kiddos you don't have to worry about the "middle child syndrome" which my poor Jack has more of than I know what to do with some days! And plus, I love wine too much to endure another 40 weeks of pregnancy……oh, and I had my tubes tied, so that puts a stop on the whole idea right there! 🙂
Thanks, Kinsey! I'm glad you got your girl, and I know how busy you are with your three blessings! Your decision really is made, isn't it? I can still change my mind if I want…but I won't!
hahaha… we are so done. I had awful pregnancies and my doctor strongly suggested I not go through it again. Luckily I had always wanted 2 boys and that's what I got. People are always telling us we should have a girl, just because "she would be so pretty!"
Good for you to listen to your doctor. Your boys are adorable, and you WOULD make a pretty girl! 🙂
Whenever I find myself unsure as to my stance on this dilemma, I take my 3 kids on an outing. Not something fun, like the zoo. Oh no, nothing brings the swift kick of reality back into play than a trip to good 'ole Walmart. Now, the staggering grocery bill would be enough to send some people (read: those with much weaker constitutions) straight to the doctor to make that decision permanently. Not me, who slightly takes pride in the knowledge that every single time I take my children into public by myself, I am a walking advertisement for birth control to someone who happens to witness our cute little mobile tornado. Don't get me wrong, they are beautiful, sweet kids! But three girls is plenty of contribution to the sea of estrogen in which my poor husband will forever be swimming (as long as he doesn't choke on glitter or pretty ponies.) People ask, "so how long will you try for a boy?" The answer is quite often an overly-loud laugh, followed by a comment about not wanting 37 girls 🙂