The Baby Barbecue

When I was very pregnant with G, my brother’s lovely wife threw me a baby shower. Since I was, and still am, a girl who bristles at the thought of a pastel-infused, game-filled, shower-type party, ours was a co-ed barbecue. The fellas watched sports upstairs while the women cooed over teeny tiny overalls, and nodded knowingly over gigantic boxes of diapers, and they made an appearance only after gifting was finished and cake was cut.

Because it was a baby shower/barbecue, we thought it was sooo clever to call it a baby barbecue.  BYOB: Bring your own baby! Hahaha! No, we did not barbecue babies. We joked about it though. Hahaha. I am not the only person who thinks it was the best baby shower in the history of the world. It was awesome, and I’m not just saying that because all of the gifts were for me and I got to take the leftover cake home.

My mom and my best friend were in town for the event, as was my mom’s best friend, who also happens to be my best friend’s mom. Follow that? Mother-daughter best friend pairs. My friend really is the best, but she and I never really had a choice in our friendship. We’ve been stuck together since we were babies, and now we both have daughters that are the same age. Since before our girls were born, we’ve been prepping them. “You will be friends. You will love each other, whether you like it or not.” Three and a half years in, and so far, so good.

Now, when the four of us ladies get together, there is lots of laughing. Usually lots of drinking, too, but unfortunately for me, on this occasion I was cooking up a kid and was on the water. We were ready to go to the baby barbecue  just killing time waiting for my husband to get home from a quick trip into the lab to feed his clones or cure cancer or something, and we were chatting in my kitchen. Someone said something funny just as I was taking a drink of my stupid water, and I swallowed wrong. I started choking and sputtering, while those three bitches just laughed harder, until I puked. I’m sure normally that wouldn’t have stopped the howling, but since I was extra super duper pregnant, they took pity. “Are you okay?!” my mom asked. My friend rubbed my back, while her mom grabbed some paper towels. I couldn’t answer, still coughing, and not done puking. I ran to the bathroom, fell to my knees and finished vomiting in the toilet, like a lady.

My humiliation wasn’t complete. The extreme force of the coughing and vomiting made me pee my pants. Not a little “Oh my goodness! I laughed so hard I piddled in my panties” action, but a full force, wish I would have been sitting on the toilet instead of hurling into it event.

The cute outfit I had carefully chosen for my very own baby shower was ruined. So was my pride. Walking out of the bathroom with drenched pants and a flushed face only made the women in the kitchen lose it again.  I smiled sheepishly, and chuckled softly. I couldn’t laugh. My throat and chest hurt, I needed to change my clothes and brush my teeth, and we were going to be late.

I WAS late to the shower, and at first I wasn’t ready to tell everyone why. I shouldn’t have been so embarrassed. Some nameless party goers got so drunk at that baby shower, my pants wetting episode wasn’t even close to the most embarrassing thing that happened to someone that day.

11 thoughts on “The Baby Barbecue

  1. Hahhhh!!! That's the first thing I thought of, when I read about the choking, was that when I was pregnant, I wouldn't have been able to control my bladder. What doesn't kill us, makes us stronger…

  2. I was looking for the disclaimer: "No infants were harmed (or bbq'd)in the making of this post." HA! It's something about stuff coming out of the top end that makes the bottom end lose control. Anytime I puke I pee my pants too. Nothing is safe! I know, TMI! I don't care. I peed my pants at Wal-Mart, but your story is way better! I guess these things happen so we have stuff to write about!Just in case you want to read about other Moms peeing, no puking in this one… and have a laugh. Totally true story!-

    1. It was a violent shove into the "Your body is no longer yours" years, that's for sure. It should be noted that if it wasn't happening to me, I would have laughed my ass off. I'm headed over to laugh at you now!

  3. My sister-in-law had a liltte suprise born in September at 40! She is the first girl in the family! I threw her a mini shower with about 10 of us. I wanted it to be like a shower from the 50/60 s. Lots of pink and white crepe paper. Milk glass and vintage floral china. Pink and white crepe paper nut cups filled with pink and white m m’s. Finger sandwiches. At my baby shower, my mother hung a clothes line with all of my liltte dresses that she had saved. I know alot of people do that now and ask everyone to bring an outfit and then hang it. What fun

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